Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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