sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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