Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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