I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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