if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
