His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
