Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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