I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
