Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
