My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize