At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so let's talk penis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
