She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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