Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
