I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
