Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
