When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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