she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
