What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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