her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
