I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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