so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
