She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
