Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
