hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
