Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
