No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
