i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize