He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
