If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
