your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
