matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
