I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my phone needs a breathalizer
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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