I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
