All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
