if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
