You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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