why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize