At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
