I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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