; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
