I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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