Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
