Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
