D3 body, D1 cock
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You left your phone here
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