One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
