Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
