hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
