9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
