You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
