We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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