Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
