I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
