dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
