Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
