kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
