i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
