I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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