Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
