Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
