Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
