found the other keg... it's in the tree
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
