Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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