But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
