we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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