U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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