i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
