Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Someone stole a lamp last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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