so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
