My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
organizing the empties. That sober.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
