i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Holy shit dude........stairs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
