he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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