be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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