Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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