Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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