the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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