history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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