Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
