and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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